Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Charlize Theron Pickup Lines: Guaranteed to Charm!

I saw Young Adult last week, threw some grades up on Grantland.

One of the things I liked about the film is that it encourages you to dream big. Even if you're a dork stuck in rural small town Minnesota, or "mini-apple" (as Minneapolis is referred to in the movie) it reminds you that even if you’re a dork, any given day might be the day you get off the computer, walk into a bar and bump into a psychotic but-also-awesomely-non-discerning Charlize Theron swilling whiskey by the liter, and you know, maybe have a chance.

So with that dream in mind here are a handful of  wonderful, and by wonderful I mean terrible, pickup lines to use on Charlize Theron should you run into her sometime, in character as Mavis Geary. These lines are guaranteed** to charm:

The cutesy pun move:
“Hey girl, is your name Charlize? Cause I just saw an angel.”

The cutesy pun move 2:
“Hey girl, is your name Charlize? Because you're sweeter than his chocolate factory.”

The sports fan move:
“Hey girl, I think the owners have stepped in and demanded I keep you on my team… for basketball reasons.”

The Drake move:
“Heeeeyyyyyy girl. Unh. In this bitch all the drinks are on the house like Snoopy.”

The neg move:
"Hey, were you in "Monster"? Huh. I never saw that one."

The cutesy pun move 3:
*taps mic motion* "Hey girl, is this thing Theron?"

Congratulations, Charlize Theron loves you!

(**Void where prohibited. Please do not use these lines on Charlize Theron or any Young Adult near you.)

Young Adults Report Card [Grantland]

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